Forward

"Forward" Seems to be a word being used by people around me quite often lately. Sounds good but I carry the past on my shoulders like a heavy bag in my hand that I can't put down. I can't help but feel that the past will repeat because it has for 5 years! Why wouldn't I doubt it? Trust... now that's a hard one. I have found I can't trust anyone. Why can't I just give in and give my all and put my heart on the line and see what happens? I would rather take the risk and put my best effort into everything so I know that I tried and failure is not a result of my with holdings. Does anyone have advice?

Thoughts carried

For those of us who have to try twice as hard to make life happen, the road to success can become long and disappointing and possibly even hopeless at times. The little steps we make that seem to hold some sort of promise don't always hold true. Maybe I'm just impatient. Maybe I still have other goals to accomplish. Maybe I'm just not ready! I carry the burdens of my mistakes and find it hard to move away from them. Still I continue this life and make decisions on only my beliefs. I am forgiving and this could doom me or free me. I am human, yet I forget this simple fact. Life is difficult but it can also be easy. If it's what we make it then why can we not control the outside forces? We all want happiness so why is it so difficult to grasp? I wish I were stronger. Without my mistakes, how would I have learned? My heart troubles me and has lead me down a road of sorrow. More sorrow than I bargained for yet I continue in belief that some day I can change that road and trees will grow along side it instead of the rocky desert I usually see. Please Lord, if this is what is not good for me then why is it still around? What do I not see? Please help me grow like a seed that transforms into a beautiful flower. I want my eyes to open like the petals of a rose and my soul to reach out like the leaves that grow from it.