I get angry with myself when I allow myself to feel bad about things in my past. I tell myself that everything in my life at this point is going well and there is no reason to feel depressed about anything prior. I am very hard on myself about it and so I began to "bottle" up my feelings whenever I felt that I had no right to feel a certain way about something. So, every now and then, small things feel overwhelming to me and I can feel physical responses like pressure in my chest or twitching eye nerves.
I realized that maybe I haven't forgiven the way I thought I have. Mostly, I haven't forgiven myself. I am angry that at a certain age I didn't really understand things but how could I expect myself to be that understanding when I was a child? Why does everyone else expect me to have more control as a child too? That's what I don't understand. To this day, everyone thinks I could have. Sorry, no, that's not correct! I can't believe how unsupportive everyone was.
Now, I have to figure out how to accept the changes I can't make and learn to truly forgive which I guess I haven't.
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